Running: I've got you, babe.

His shoulders caved in while he nervously rubbed his hands together under the table in between his knees.  “Yeaaaahhhh, I really don’t 'get' running, I mean, it's just...running, what's the point, really?” he said in a hesitant yet monotone voice that belied his fear of upsetting me with this unacceptable confession in response to my visible excitement about having run the farthest I’d ever run a few hours prior.  And he continued: “People who run are… weird.”

I felt my eyes narrow as I examined him.  I knew in that moment that our blossoming romance would go nowhere fast.  Not only did he take me to yet another blah dinner for our third date (sparks were dyin'...), but now he was insulting one of the most important (new) relationships in my life: the relationship I have with running.  He doesn't have to love it, but he shouldn't insult it!  I didn't insult his love of TELEMARK SKIING for crying out loud!  To each their own, right?  Yup, another one bites the dust.

It’s only been like few months, and I may still be embarrassingly slow, but I’ve become one of “those people.” A “runner.”  I live to get off work and go for a run.  I love logging hours on mapmyrun.com discovering new running routes.  I am obsessed with logging miles and tracking the improvements of my pace with my Garmin.  I am seriously addicted to bananas and chocolate milk.  I procrastinate at work by rolling out my calves on my office floor and searching online for races near and far to train for and attend.  I find myself spending nearly all of my free time with other runners, and not necessarily running (albeit talking about it a whole damn lot).  And each time I step into Fleet Feet, I think: “Wait just one stinkin’ second! I thought running was supposed to be cheap?” But I gladly whip out my card for the goods!

I mean, when you know, you just know.  And I know: it’s love.  So here it is:  

Running, I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I am totally into you, and I’m ready to take out relationship to the next level.  Will you occupy my mind and time and heart, and stand in the place of my would-be boyfriend?

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. :)

See, upon returning home tonight from “rehydrating” with mimosas and Blue Moons after today’s long run and tugging off my dusty running shoes, thinking about the day and the people I spent it with, I had a sort of epiphany about relationships.  You know that phrase, “You get back what you put into it”? Well, unfortunately, that hasn’t really been true with many of my inter-personal relationships.  Whether it be my boyfriend, one of my best friends, or my boss, I’ve experienced a lot of let downs and heart break from relationships I’ve put my heart and soul into.  Those harrowing experiences make me hesitant to seriously invest in any new relationships (but I still do - I can’t help it, I’m a people person).

But running? My relationship with running is one of the few things that I can really trust and rely upon, each and every day – even on rest days.  I know that I WILL get back what I put into it, and then some.  I know that it will never let me down or betray me (my body might, but not the act itself).  And the beauty of it all is that (I think) if I apply the lessons I have learned from my failed unsuccessful romantic relationships, I can make sure my relationship with running goes the distance! Yay! Specifically:

1.  If you go for too much too soon before you’re ready, you’ll burn out, and get hurt (or hurt someone else).  This is true not only of the risk of heartbreak from whirlwind romance, but risk of physical injury as well.  Thinking, “Oh, well my training program says to only do 4 today, but I feel so good I’ll just go run 13!” is just as bad as saying, “Hi Jen, it’s me” on my voicemail or assuming you're about to meet the parents after just a couple dates.  We’re just not there yet buddy, and you aren’t either.  Take your time.  Running isn’t going anywhere, and for the most part, neither am I.  The shoes and the trail will be there tomorrow.  Let the relationship evolve naturally, and build upon itself.

2.  On the other hand, if you don’t put enough energy into it, or go too slow, or keep your finger on the trigger, you’ll likely bore yourself and the process and never progress.  And you certainly can’t half-ass training any more than you can half-ass a real relationship or commitment to a partner.  You can’t run while sitting on a fence, ya know?  You really gotta have two feet on the ground, and use energy to move forward.

3.  The foundation of any relationship – romantic, platonic, business – is trust.  If you don’t trust in the process, trust that your training will get you there (whatever distance that might be), AND trust your partner (yourself, your legs, your feet, your shoes, your lungs…your coach), you’ve really got nothing.  Same goes for your better half.  (And at the same time, I see nothing wrong with the concept of “Trust, but verify.” Go ‘head. Try it. It’ll surprise you, in a good way.)

4.  You must allow for down/rest time.  You can’t spend 365/24/7 with a partner anymore than you can running without killing yourself (or the relationship), and the time and energy spent away from running will not only make you appreciate it all the more, but will make you a better, stronger, faster runner.  Just don't take too long of a break, because that can cause just as much damage.

5.  You HAVE to have a sense of humor to get you through the hard times… because there WILL be hard times.  The only way to handle falling flat on your face a mile into a marathon is to laugh at yourself (and whoever tripped you, of course).

6.  Surround yourself with people who value their own relationship with running, the way you do yours.  It will help you maintain your commitment and keep your spirits up when you're feeling weak.  In the same vain, avoid spending time with folks who don't share your values.

7.  Know that if you find just the right balance, you’ll feel a high like nothing else.  I hope this speaks for itself.  *wink, wink*

It all makes sense, right?

So far, running simply makes me consistently happy.  I know we'll have our moments, and there will be times when I'll consider breaking up, but for now, all is well in the Jen-Running relationship world.  Best of all, I’m never left confused.  If at the end of a bad run, unlike a bad day with a boyfriend, if something feels “off” and I find myself wondering, “Did I do something wrong?”, there’s always a legitimate answer based on biomechanics, training, nutrition, fuel - something other than, well, miscommunication. I mean it just… works, and it’s been one of the most fulfilling relationships I’ve had in a long, long time. So with that said: 

Dear Running,

Whether it's at dawn or at dusk, I look forward to our dates (for the most part), especially when you take me to places I've never seen before and make me feel so damn good. You're the first thing I think about it in the morning and the last thing I think about at night, and I think about you all damn day. And I love that you love that I love carbs. I hope you're just as ready as I am to make this big commitment. (Should we make it Facebook official?) I have a feeling we're in this for the long haul, Running.  I love you.

xoxo
Jen

Somewhere out there...

Every single person I know is going through something similar: dating nightmares, break-ups, momentary depression, loneliness, or just plain wanting to get ass, but having a hard time finding any.  Ironically, these are the same people always offering up their advice on MY lovelife.  Then of course there are the incredibly happy people - the ones who aren't in relationships because they seem to hate relationships or are in 'perfect' relationships - they have tons of annoying advice too.  My two new coworkers are examples of this.  Very much, "Hey, look at me!  Chin up!"

So, here's my question, and you don't have to answer this, but feel free:  Why is it considered pathetic to want a boyfriend/girlfriend?  Or even a husband/wife??  No, seriously. 

One friend of mine has referred to herself as co-dependent just because she found that being excited about another guy would help get over the last one.  I think that's perfectly normal.  An independent man or woman is seen as so strong, so lucky, so to be admired, but is it admirable or is it just one of multiple lifestyle choices that some prefer?  Maybe those independent people really suck in relationships, so they're single because they don't know HOW to be sane as a partner, while some partner-types don't know how to be sane without another half.  But I just don't understand why one is considered better than the other?  Why is it okay to suck in a relationship and be awesome single, but not okay to be awesome in a relationship, but suck as a single?

I think you are co-dependent or obsessed when you're the type of person who CAN'T be alone.  Let me define 'can't.'  I mean that the person would rather be with the wrong person, and horribly wrong at that, than be alone or go through the inconvenience of ending a relationship with someone who just isn't right for them.  This is a person who generally doesn't enjoy their own company and solitude.  This is a person who doesn't like themselves unless a member of the opposite sex that they're into is into them in return.  This is a person who has no opinion of their own because they adapt to the opinion of whomever they're dating.  This is a person who has no life outside of their relationship, and who basically takes over the life of their significant other.  In short, this is a person who thinks he or she's pathetic, ugly and/or useless if they're not having sex with a regular partner or is dateless on a Saturday night.  This is a person who fears an empty bed and no sexy text messages in his/her phone.  

I am none of those things.  I sleep diagonally or horizontally in my bed these days.  I go to movies alone by choice if no one wants to go with me.  I run by myself, shop by myself, travel by myself, even ski by myself (granted, these things are always more fun with a partner, but so what?).  I also eat by myself all the time, and I often prefer it because I easily strike up conversations with random others at the bar counter and learn the most fascinating things about other people, and they all seem to like me.  While I enjoy sharing some activities and hobbies with the guys I date, I have my OWN things that I'm into and don't ever try usurp a guy's life.  I think I'm plenty attractive even if I don't have a boyfriend/fiance/husband.  Short of being a narcissist, I think it's fair to say I pretty much love myself.  I pay my own bills, I buy my own shit, I have fun on the weekends, and spoil and take care of myself.  I think I have a pretty full life even though I haven't reached "happily ever after" yet.  So, IF I were to want a boyfriend to complement (not complete!) my life, why would that make me a pathetic asshole?  I'm not saying I'd want ANY old boyfriend.  I'd want a really, really good one.  Somehow, by some folks' standards, that makes me a pathetic, weak, obsessive, co-dependent.  Hmph.

So, the advice has been rolling in - "Heeeey, you're FREE, ENJOY yourself!!"  Hey, dude, who said I'm not enjoying myself?  Trust me, I really do love my freedom.  I love that all my decisions are mine to make.  I love flying by the seat of my pants and deciding at noon on a Saturday to go to SF or Tahoe without even finding out if I have a place to stay when I get there and not having to run it by anyone.  I love that someone else's bad mood doesn't have to become my bad mood.  I love that I can run, ski, travel, shop, alone or with girlfriends and not feel guilty for leaving my guy out.  I love that I never feel threatened because of his non-existent boundaries.  I love that I never have to wonder if I'm being cheated on with the ex-girlfriend who calls at 2:14 a.m., or if he's contemplating moving across the country and doesn't want me to come with him.  I love that I don't have to explain myself if I have a phone conversation with an ex-boyfriend with whom I really DO have a completely platonic friendship.  I love that I'm not scared of losing someone.  I love that I don't have to feel that awful, painful aching of the very first moment when you realize the person you're crazy about is slipping away.  Man, that sucks.  Rather, I do feel FREE and liberated, but that's because these are all the awful things I've experienced in prior relationships that are experiences I won't repeat if when I find myself with the right guy.

The right guy will be AWESOME, and I can't wait to meet him (if I haven't already) because he's there, out there somewhere looking for someone to be equally awesome with.  We're going to have so much fun and open each other's eyes to new experiences, things we'd never thought of before.  We will inspire each other to meet and overcome our personal challenges.  He's going to make me laugh, make me feel beautiful, and woo me.  I'll want to do anything (within reason) to make him happy.  He's going to call the next day (such a novel concept these days!), and he's going to sound happy to hear from me whenever I call.  He's going to look forward to seeing me, and we will make mutual compromises to make that happen.  He's going to flatter me.  I'm going to admire and appreciate him, who he is and what he plans for himself.  He's going to give me little surprises, like sticky notes on the bathroom mirror.  I'm going to do the "little things" that brighten his day in return.  He's going to make me his priority, and he's going to be mine.  We're going to spend snowy Saturdays in Tahoe tearin' it up, sunny Sundays on the coast or in the city, occasional hookie days on the river, and random nights out together laughing and enjoying our time out with friends.  We'll run in the rain together, and then snuggle by a fire.  He's going to be spontaneous and think a random trip to NYC or Denver or Chicago or Hawaii or Vegas would be fun, or even better - if I want to go without him, he'll think that'll be fun for me and he'll do his own thing without feeling abandoned or envious.  I won't ever feel jealous because he won't give me any reason to because he has the common knowledge of what's NOT appropriate when you have a significant other, and I will literally never give another guy a second glance because in my eyes no one will ever compare.  He'll be my very best friend, my last call or snuggle of the day, and I'll be his.  I'll be attracted to him in a ravenous way, and he'll be eager to satisfy my "needs." (Wink, wink.)  I'll love the way he smells, and want to sleep in his t-shirts.  I'll adore him - he'll literally make my eyes twinkle.  We'll be excited about the future together.  We'll make plans, and also go on spontaneous getaways.  He'll think all my friends are hilarious; I'll totally dig hanging out with his.  His parents and sibling(s) will love me, and I'll love them.  We'll always be in each other's corner, encouraging and cheering but also letting each other know when we're throwing all the wrong punches.  This guy is out there.  I JUST KNOW IT.

There might be a couple of them out there like that, and it's not that I feel like I'm this loser because I'm not independent enough, I'm as independent as they get.  I'm just so incredibly excited to meet this man.  He could be anywhere - in the grocery store, at my favorite Thai restaurant, at a shared charity event, on I-80 next to me in traffic, at a wedding, living next door, in the office building next to mine, on freakin' Match.com - where ever!  My favorite person in the world exists, and I haven't met him yet.  And I don't think there's anything wrong with reeeeaaallly looking forward to that "ah ha!" moment.  

The rest of my life IS in order.  I do concentrate on my career.  I have amazing friends.  i have a full, wonderful life.  When the majority of your life is in order, you don't sit around and talk about it - particularly on a blog.  You talk about what you don't have, why you don't have it, and what you want from it.  The one thing I don't have is a ridiculously awesome dude to spend time with.  So I live my life to the fullest every single moment I'm not typing to you people, and then I take this time here to analyze what's missing.  That's it.  That's all. 

End of rant.
xoxo

Hello, World.

Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. Hummingbirds open our eyes to the wonder of the world and inspire us to open our hearts to loved ones and friends. Like a hummingbird, we aspire to hover and savor each moment as it passes, embrace all that life has to offer and to celebrate the joy of everyday. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation.

So, fly with me, friends. :)