Thursday, August 21, 2014

She's nice...

A good friend of mine is getting married in about a month.  When he talks to me about the wedding and his future, I can literally see the fear of death rush across his face.  I mean, the dude is scared to death, to the point I finally had to ask him, "If you're not comfortable with this, then why in God's name are you marrying her?" I expected him to say, "I love her, I'm just scared I'm not going to make her happy or we're going to grow apart, old and fat..." or something along those lines.  Instead he responded with, "Well, I'm 35 years old, I've been with her for a couple years now, all my friends are either married or engaged or seriously dating someone, so I guess it just seems like it's the right time to grow up and settle down... and, well, she's a really nice person."

I had a very similar conversation with another friend a few nights later, about a stunningly attractive girl he's recently started dating and can’t stop making out with in public.  When I asked him, "So, are you, like, totally in love with this girl yet?"  His response?  "Well, I do like her... she's... nice."

God help me if this is the way the object of my affection ever describes me to people!!!  "She's nice"?!  BLECH!  That's what people used to say about my Great Aunts.  That's how my friends describe my mom... and even my friends throw in a "really nice" not just "She's nice."

Perhaps my expectations are simply too dang high, but I'd like to think that when you meet someone you like enough to date (and certainly love enough to marry!) that you'd see something more in them than just "nice" to draw you to them.  Then again, if that's all it takes to wow you, then maybe your expectations aren't high enough.  I don't consider myself insurmountably picky, but I do have some standards, and just being plain 'ole "nice" ain't gonna cut it.

If "nice" is sufficient, maybe you're lazy.  "Nice" will probably never challenge you to grow as a person and a partner (isn't that the whole point of relationships?), but you won't have to worry about her ending things with you because she's perfectly content being "nice" to you, thus cutting out any modicum of work you might need to do to keep her around.  "Nice" will make you feel more like the King of your domain without ever having to go to war to protect your estate... your very boring estate.  "Nice" is comfortable, but not in an "I can talk to her about anything, and I mean anything, and I know she won't judge me" way or an “I trust her with my life” kind of way, more of an "I'm too lazy to do laundry so I'll wear my favorite holey underwear with my hands down my pants while she shows friends our new house" kind of way.

When the future love of my life describes me, I'd like to think he'd use some of these phrases: "She's wicked smart, makes me laugh out loud on the regular, and proudly wears her sassy pants to keep me in check, but she's also compassionate, incredibly thoughtful and generous, and has a huge heart that she wears proudly on her sleeve. She's full of life and doesn't know a stranger, she's the best travel companion, and would bend over backwards for her friends and family. She's got the best laugh on earth, I could kiss her all day... and most importantly, she respects me and admires me as a man and a partner."  It would be okay if he threw in "she's pretty cute" too!  Anything but "nice."

"Nice" is for the non-living souls - the ones who don't have the guts to go after what they really want, who are too scared or insecure to be assertive.  "Nice" is for the Steady Eddie who doesn't want to change his routine and just wants to find someone who will fit into his world without much effort.  "Nice" is for someone who is intimidated by someone who is more their equal. "Nice" is settling.

My future companion will be confident enough to take a leap of faith with someone like me.  He'll see me as someone who can add beauty and dimension to his life, not just fit in it.  He won't be scared to share a bit of his spotlight with me on occasion.  He'll appreciate my versatility.  He'll be proud to have someone with a strong mind by his side, who appreciates his in return.

And he'll never use the word, "nice."